What am I doing?

I just reread my last post which was written almost a year ago. You think I was freaking out then? Ohhhh buddy. I find myself at the precipice of my last semester, even though I still feel like something terrible involving failure is going to happen and I'll be stuck here longer. I've been thinking about future career-type stuff. I created a LinkedIn profile so I can do what the kids call "networking" and started to feel sick to my stomach with worry. I realized something.

I'm not spectacular. I'm an average student who hasn't received any honors or awards since high school. I studied abroad, which I guess is a point in my favor. I haven't been involved in any organizations for people in specific fields, no sororities for me, and I don't have any special skills that "set me apart".

What am I doing?

I know what I'd like to do. Well, a few things. Most "realistic" and probably at least moderately lucrative being

• Editorial Assistant at a hoity-toity publishing house. Or, you know, an intern. A paid intern. My student loan bills won't hold off that long.

This requires exciting relocation to a big city, which I could do. But it's also super scary. I have never in my life lived more than seventy miles from my parents (excluding studying in London for a month). When my car was in the shop a few years ago, my dad was able to loan me his car to use until it was fixed. 

Also, business life. Like, working in an office. With adults who are somehow under the impression that I am one of them. Can I fool an entire company into believing that I'm a grownup?

I've thought about just saying screw it and running off to NYC to

• Join the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater or some such.

But I am so shy about my abilities. I've acted, I enjoy it, but that's in college and community theatre productions. Where there are fewer people and they don't all want to destroy me. I decided a while ago, when my broadway dream was fading away with my change of major, that a performer's life, at least one involving competition and rejection, was not for me.

I've also thought about trying my hand in the LA scene

• trying to be a TV writer, like I've wanted to be. I've never written an entire spec script, but I have read extensively on the subject, and started at least four.

I'd love to be a coffee-monkey at a studio, and try to get into the business by making connections. But the thought of trying to get my name out there gives me the same stomach pains as that darn LinkedIn. You have to have confidence and drive, and I don't know if I have enough of both of those things.

If anyone has any good advice, or knows of any jobs open to someone who is about to have a BA in English who loves TV, baking, cats, and mysteries, let me know.

Oh, here's me in Edinburgh. It was awesome.